Why I Am Marmite (And Why I'm OK With That)

No, it's not the result of some random Facebook-feed style quiz.

I didn't take a survey to find out "What Obscure Food Item Are You?"
It's just the best metaphor I've ever come across to describe what I am in relation to the other humans that inhabit this planet with me.
And I am Marmite.

Here's a selfie I took earlier

For those of you whose cupboards aren't as stock piled with as many mysterious-but-edible objects as my own, you might be wondering what exactly this thing is that I'm comparing myself to.
For that, let's get a quote from everyone's favourite encyclopedia...
"The product is a sticky, dark brown food paste with a distinctive, powerful flavour which is extremely salty. This distinctive taste is reflected in the British company's slogan: "Love it or hate it." The product's name has entered British English as a metaphor for something that is an acquired taste or tends to polarise opinions." - Wikipedia
Now, I pride myself on not usually being sticky.
My name has also not entered British-English slang as a well-known allegory (yet).
No, the reason I compare myself with this product is all in the slogan - "love it or hate it."

For as long as I can remember, my life has been made up of two very distinct types of people.
1. Terrific people who have never been anything but thoughtful, sweet and wonderful to me, and continue to surprise me with the lengths they'll happily go to in order to help me out.
2. Random people who (for little to no reason or for creatively imagined reasons) hate me as much as taxes, bad headaches or stubbing your toe.
Of course, there's a few in-betweens (as I'm sure there is with Marmite).
There's people I know from college, work, school, extended family and various other places who I'm pretty sure have no strong feelings towards me one way or another. I'm just the person they smile at, wave to and chat with once in a while and I'm not vain enough to assume that they have any serious opinions on me or even think about me very often.
No, with this particular post, I'm talking about the majority of people in my life and the two headings they fall under...
1. Those who love Marmite.
2. Those who hate Marmite.

And let me tell you: those who hate Marmite really fucking hate Marmite.
I've had stuff thrown at me, had my possessions stolen, been physically hit, told I was worthless, told I was ugly, had rumours spread about me, asked to go kill myself, been threatened, been mocked, been verbally abused and the list goes on and on.
For most of these instances, I've had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to have done.
For many other of these instances, the stuff I was meant to have done made no sense.
One time, I was informed that the reason someone had thrown a rotten apple at me (that proceeded to explode all over the book I had been reading at the time) was because I had insulted the thrower's sister.
Who not only had I never insulted but also had never met, nor did I know of her existence up until that point.
But hey, maybe that was my mistake. Or at least they certainly seemed to think so.
Another reason many of these people have started a one-sided feud with me seems to be summed up by the words "freak," "lunatic," "nerd" or "loser."
In other words, "she's weird."

But then there's the other side of things: people who love Marmite seem to really love Marmite.
I've had people do the nicest, most incredible things for me without any sort of motivation (or even hints) on my part.
I've received astoundingly thoughtful gifts, sent countless kindly-worded messages, been treated to unbelievable days out, had people say the sweetest things to me and have been humbled numerous times by great people referring to me as one of their best friends.
I cannot, for the life of me, pinpoint why these people like me so much or why they want to keep me around. I'm not fishing for compliments when I say that I don't see why they would willingly do so much for me so (being a curious and self-indulgent eejit) I've outright asked a few people why.
One of the main reasons many of these people give for liking me seems to be summed up by the words "different," "lunatic," "nerd" or "unique."
In other words, "she's weird."

So if I can avoid sounding like I suffer from Special-Little-Snowflake Syndrome, I'd like to agree with that statement.
Just like Marmite, I am weird.
And just like Marmite, that suits some people's tastes and it doesn't others.

For a long time, this really bothered me.
From first to fourth year in secondary school, I got bullied a lot. There was even a small group of people who hated me (and loved to show it) all the way up to graduation in sixth year.
But it wasn't just schoolyard stuff.
Lots of people have shown extreme disdain for me outside of the school atmosphere as well. And it's right from the get-go - I say two words and they immediately get this look on their faces like I'm an appallingly disgusting brand of food spread that is both horrendously salty and annoyingly syrupy.

It used to really get to me.
I didn't understand why there were people who seemed to abhor me without really giving me what I thought of as a fair chance.
And it was only when I was about 17 years old on the phone to my amazing sister Kirsten one night that any sort of revelation about it came to me.
She said "because you're different, you're an easy target. But that's not bad. Being different is a really, really good thing. You'll see."

So we're back to the whole "weird" thing again here. Which, turns out, is pretty much a deal-breaker in my life.
And ever since my sister said those glorious words to me, she's been proven right about how being different is a really, really good thing.
Lots of people have shown fondness for me right from the get-go - I say two words and they immediately get this look on their faces like I'm an awesomely delicious brand of food spread that is both perfectly salty and endearingly syrupy.
Boom. Instant friends.

And so, I've learned to really be OK with (dare I even say I've learned to love) being Marmite.
Why? Because it balances out so perfectly.
In fact, most of the time it balances out with much more positivity than negativity.

A few months ago, I received a message from someone via Facebook that (in so many words) basically told me to stop uploading so many selfies on Instagram because no one wanted to see my "dog face."
Instant block. Goodbye boy. Farewell.
Did it make me feel bad? Of course.
I don't take selfies for anyone other than myself but it still hurts when people apparently hate me so much they feel the need to point out how ugly they think I am.
But that one nasty comment is immediately voided by the generous compliments I sometimes get when I indulge in my poser addiction and upload a selfie to Instagram or Facebook.
The flattery I've received once in a while from friends has been nothing short of benevolent.
And that's not the only example I have...

A good long while ago, as I was walking home, someone threw a can of Dutch Gold at me (classy choice man), called me a "ginger bitch" and made a delightful hand gesture.
Yes, they were probably drunk, but they were also someone who had voiced distaste for me before while flawlessly sober.
Around the same time, I had someone else give me the present of a notepad with my initials on it that also included a detailed note on how glad they were to have me as a friend on the first few pages.
Oh and the same person gave me a can of Dr Pepper that day. That in itself is a great way to make my day a good one.

This phenomenon (which I have named "The Marmite Equilibrium") has presented itself many other times.
Whenever someone says something nasty to me, there are five other people who say something nice.
If there's somebody who does/says something that makes me feel two feet tall, there is somebody else to help build me back up again.
Every time I'm given the impression that I suck, that I'm I have no redeemable qualities or I'm just a full-fledged bad person, there are those waiting to do everything they can to make me feel like I rock, I have several awesome traits and that I am, after all, a good person.

An interesting thing to note is that both sides of the Marmite Equilibrium refuse to acknowledge their existence.
If I try to call out people who hate Marmite on why they have to try and make my life such a misery, they'll immediately accuse me of "deserving what I get," "asking for it," "acting the victim" or (the ever-popular) "it's just a joke and you have no sense of humour."
The last one really gets to me because it's only a joke if everyone is laughing but hey, we'll save that rant for another day.
Similarly, if I try to call out people who love Marmite on why they voluntarily do so much to keep a smile on my face, they're quick to tell me "I deserve what I get," "it's no big deal," "it's what friends do" or (the one that always makes me grin from ear to ear) "I just like you is all."

The reason Arsenic In My Every Endorphin went on hiatus for so long is because I still, as much as I hate to admit it, am deeply affected by what the people who hate Marmite so much have to say about me.
There's 30 seconds of a YouTube video dedicated to what a fucking idiot I am (I'm pretty sure it's still up, I don't know, it's not in any of my personal playlists) so I shudder to think what else they'll put me through on the realm of the internet.

But whenever I put up a link to my blog on my Facebook, a couple of people always share it, usually
with a kind, humbling note on how funny, smart or cool I am.
And so, I want to thank you for the confidence you give me.
Every single person who loves Marmite gives me more strength, courage and self-assurance than I could ever express in less than a 5,000-word dissertation.
I am so grateful to have every single one of you in my life.

And so, in conclusion, being Marmite has its downsides.
But when you get to have people in your life as amazing as the people I have in mine, it becomes clear that those downsides are very much worth it.

And that is why I identify so strongly with jars of sticky food paste.

Me on an average Tuesday

6 Irish Music Acts You Should Know About

Since December of last year, I've been working as an event coordinator for Pleasing Features Music and enjoying every second of it.
Nearly every single band and artist I've been working with has exhibited exceptional talent, incredible musical skill and complete professionalism when trying to put the shows together.

Plus, I get the added bonus of being that insufferable hipster idiot whose iPod is packed full of music by bands "you've probably never heard of."

But that's the thing - you should hear of them.
It's happened a lot recently that I've ended up recommending the music of some of these bands to friends who I know would love them.
And that's exactly what inspired this post.

Now I should mention off the bat that these are not the "top 5" bands I've come across. If I tried to make a "top" list of these amazing entertainers, it would have to be at least a top 50 and I'd be here for weeks and weeks, trying to craft an exact order.
(And in the end, you'd find a very defeated and extremely disgruntled skeleton sitting at my desk).

No. For this blog post, I tried to assemble five bands with very different sounds, styles and energies from each other.
That way, I'm sure all of you who read this will find something new to listen to.

I very much doubt that this will be the first of these blog posts I publish - there are numerous bands I want to write a praising (and possibly cringey) paragraph on but for now, here's (in no particular order) five Irish music acts you should know about.

1. The Shades

* Give them a listen if you like:
The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Jake Bugg, The Vaccines, The Strokes, Arctic Monkeys, Chuck Berry, Oasis, Dr Feelgood or Eddie & The Hot Rods.
* You can find their music at:
{Their website}

Photo by Ronan Power

Rhythm, style and energy are probably the three words that can best summarise this five-piece from Dublin. As soon as they start playing, you can tell they've garnered some inspiration from legendary bands like The Beatles, The Yardbirds and The Rolling Stones, as well as more contemporary acts like Arctic Monkeys and Jake Bugg. However, they do not seek to emulate these musicians but rather merge their sounds together to create something entirely new.
When I saw them play live, I was instantly blown away by the spirit they all have whilst performing. The amazing energy they generate is extremely reminiscent of the great Chuck Berry. All five members give it their all, making it a captivating experience that draws in every member of the audience.
Combining a casual throwback to the 1960's with an elegant Indie rock style, this band belongs in the music collection of anyone who has a passion for rock 'n' roll throughout the ages.

Photo by Ronan Power

2. Naoise Roo

* Give her a listen if you like: 
Nick Cave, PJ Harvey, Tom Waits, Radiohead, Portishead, Massive Attack, The Glove or UNKLE.
* You can find her music at:
{Her SoundCloud or her YouTube account}
{You can also download her brilliant track "Oh Son" for free here}

Picture courtesy of Naoise Roo

Imagine if Thom Yorke of Radiohead and PJ Harvey had a baby on the set of Moulin Rouge. Now imagine if that baby's godfather was Nick Cave. That baby would most likely grow up to be Naoise Roo.

Incorporating a range of styles and sounds, Naoise creates an emotional cabaret atmosphere that is not without zeal, artistry and enthusiasm. Her band consists of four incredibly talented musicians who have done their part to ensure that Naoise's music is fine-tuned to the point of perfection.
Her performances are passionate and lively, making it clear that the people onstage are enjoying the show as much as those who are watching it. At one show I was lucky enough to attend, the crowd became so excited that a miniature mosh pit broke out, proving that the devotion this artist shows onstage really is contagious.
With an album (Lilith) coming out this April, Naoise's future is looking great. And so will your iPod once you have the album on it!

Photo by Ronan Power

3. Radio Room

* Give them a listen if you like:
Maximo Park, Vampire Weekend, Keane, The Strokes, Snow Patrol, Bloc Party or Foals.
* You can find their music at:
{Their SoundCloud or their YouTube account}

Photo courtesy of Radio Room

I think one of the best ways to describe this group of four is that it's easy to imagine someone telling you that Radio Room are their favourite band. With memorable riffs, animated drumming and original lyrics, their tracks can definitely be described as enduring and catchy.Their live shows mirror this captivating force by immediately winning the attention of the audience with the first few notes they play.
But it's not just music designed for you to (happily) have stuck in your head for the rest of the day. It is also meaningful, intelligent and includes that very human element that makes it seem like some of those songs might just have been written about you and your life.
With an album coming out later this year (which you can preview here), this band is definitely one to get yourself acquainted with if you're a fan of the Indie - alternative genre.

Photo by me, myself & I

4. TADGH
* Give him a listen if you like:
Maroon 5, Jamiroquai, Bruno Mars, The Brand New Heavies, Jamie Cullum, Justin Timberlake or Curtis Mayfield.
* You can find his music at:
{His Facebook page}
{Note: TADGH works to make his music a personal experience for anyone who enjoys it. Via his Facebook page, you can send your e-mail to his manager to receive direct updates on what he's working on}

Courtesy of TADGH

TADGH is a brand new artist on the music scene and I had the absolute pleasure of seeing his first ever live performance just last week.
Wedding together the genres of pop, R&B, soul and funk, TADGH presents the audience with the happy marriage that is his music.
His sound is sprightly, bright and easy to listen to, while still being insightful enough to make the audience concentrate on the words he's singing. His band are made up of a team of skilled instrumentalists who help develop TADGH's songs into the type of tracks that you would hear as single releases on the radio.
Unlike so many other artists who try to produce happy songs, his music is not cheesy in the least. Instead, it is cheerful and refreshing with catchy riffs and perceptive lyrics.
The live show itself was a relaxing (but still enthralling) experience that constructed a laidback, enjoyable atmosphere for all who were present.
If you like the type of music that tends to sell out Dublin's 3 Arena or London's O2, you'll be able to appreciate this talented artist. 

5. Within Without
* Give them a listen if you like:

Stone Temple Pilots, Rage Against The Machine, Placebo, Green River, 30 Seconds To Mars or Blind Melon.
* You can find their music at:
{Their Facebook page}

Picture courtesy of Within Without

Fresh on the Dublin music scene, this hard rock band is made up of four experienced and skilled musicians that all bring their own individual genius to the group.
Their songs are ruthlessly spirited, with fast-paced drumming, thrashing guitar riffs and exceptional lyrics.
Out of all the bands I've seen perform live in the past few months, Within Without certainly put on one of the most energetic and memorable shows. High-powered and unbelievably zealous, the band effortlessly captured (and kept) the full attention of the crowd with the very first song. Using the entire room as their stage, Within Without had everyone up on their feet and created the impression that you were at a gig of one of your favourite bands - not a group you were seeing for the first time.
When you see them live, it becomes obvious that the four members all work tirelessly to make Within Without an inclusive and enjoyable event for every single person in the audience and I'd suggest their music to anyone who loves that good ol' feeling of completely cutting loose to good music.

Photo by me, myself & I

6. i am niamh
* Give her a listen if you like:
Deerhoof, Times New Viking, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Florence & The Machine, Debussy, Lightning Bolt, Regina Spektor or Joanna Newsom.
* You can find her music at:
{Her website}

Courtesy of i am niamh

Interesting, extraordinary and inimitable music is the main result that has come of i am niamh, the music project of just one talented individual.
Utilising a looping track to create an ambiance that could be described as beguilingly celestial, Niamh's music is certainly both progressive and extremely appealing.
When I saw her play live, her performance immediately absorbed the entire room, with people commenting to one another how original the music was between songs.
Perhaps it is the artist's classically trained voice that adds to the distinct atmosphere of i am niamh, but it is definitely a must for any fan of interesting and avant-garde music.


7. CREEP
* Give them a listen if you like:
Alice In Chains, Pantera, Audioslave, Soulfly, Guns 'N' Roses or Soundgarden.
* You can find their music at:
{Their Facebook page or their guitarist's YouTube account}

Picture courtesy of Creep

Ta-da! It's a secret seventh entry!

This band isn't included on the main list because ...
1. I didn't meet them through Pleasing Features Music.
2. They are currently on indefinite hiatus.
But I really, really like these guys so I wanted to give them a mention anyway!

Creep's music hybridizes grunge and metal to create an energetic and expressive sound. With driving riffs, tireless drumming and dynamic vocals, the band's music is immediately reminiscent of thrash metal bands like Metallica, Pantera or Anthrax. However, their grunge influences also exhibit a more poignant side to their music, including stirring key changes and innovative lyrics.
The band's live shows are spirited, enlivened and instantly successful in getting the audience keyed up and shouting for an encore.
I guess I do need to mention at this point that my boyfriend is the bassist for Creep (cue the eye-rolling from people who think I'm being biased and nepotistic) but I honestly wouldn't include them on this post if I didn't think they were a uniquely talented group. And besides, why would I want to contribute to the growth of his ego? (Joke. But not really).
I'm recommending this band to anyone who likes to genuinely have fun when they're just sitting on the bus/train and listening to their music.
And who knows? Maybe if we pester them enough, the hiatus will soon be over.

Picture courtesy of Creep

Well, I certainly hope you'll find something from this list that you'll enjoy (to be honest, I'd be very surprised if you don't).
And if you're the type who's interested in unique, pioneering music in general, you'd most likely also be the type who'd be interested in what we do at Pleasing Features (yup, here comes the shameless self-promo).
As stated by our manager and founder, Shane Chambers, we aim to "promote and showcase innovative and original acts."
We have live events every Monday night at The Workman's Club in the city centre so feel free to pop by anytime! The nights usually kick off at about 7:30pm and it's free in.
You can also check us out on Facebook (click here), Twitter (click here), Instagram (click here) or our own website (click here).

Picture courtesy of Pleasing Features Music

Like I said, I see talent on such a regular basis at Pleasing Features that it's probably only a matter of time until I release a Part II to this post.
Until then, enjoy listening to all the new music your awesome friend Aimee hooked you up with!

Top 5 Things Not To Do On Public Transport

This post is dedicated to my dear friend Eileen who gave me the push I needed to go back to blogging and stop worrying so much about what unpleasant things people who are less than fond of me might have to say about it.
Eileen has her own brilliant blog which you can read here...
{Eileen! TMI!}
Thanks again pal! :)

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Well, after a long hiatus, I'm back to the sea of chirping crickets and tumbleweeds that is my blog's audience.
And as a throwback to my posts of yore, the first thing I'll be writing on will be my incredibly dysfunctional and ever-entertaining relationship with public transport.

Peeps, I present to you the very pinnacle of useful knowledge I have collected from three years of Arts college - what NOT to do on public transport.

#5: Make Eye Contact
I think anyone living in any country in the world could tell you that this is the first big no-no of public transport. Or at least anyone who doesn't enjoy the possibility of getting stabbed.

Of course, not everyone on your daily journey is going to be a weirdo.
Nine out of ten times you make eye contact with as person on the bus, you'll exchange awkward nods/smiles and that'll be the end of it.

But it's no secret that many lunatics find a home on trains and buses so they're the first (and probably most significant) type of person you want to avoid.
You also probably want to steer clear of anyone looking to make a new friend if, in the very likely instance, you yourself do not feel like making a new friend that day.
This may seem like a stupid thing to say but I have run into people on buses before who take your accidental eye contact and apologetic, awkward smile as an invitation to forge a beautiful friendship.
And the morning commute is hard enough without having to maintain a blossoming alliance with Bríd, the lady in the red hat.

#4: Make Noise
Let's be honest.

There's two major types of journeys in the world of transit - the cranky voyage to work/college in the morning that smells like coffee and the drowsy voyage home in the evening that smells like you want more coffee.
Neither of the people who take part in these journeys will greatly appreciate any unnecessary noise.

This means that the daily commute is not a time to attempt to bleed your ears clean with booming music, play a video game without headphones or (most importantly) talk loudly and boorishly on your phone.

Don't get me wrong now - if you want to make a phone call, you go right ahead.
Just keep it several volumes below "vulgarly obtrusive" if you can.
There is literally nothing worse than listening to a commuter echoing the story of their day off of every surface of the bus. No one cares about how you beat the sales record of the month Seán, just shut up and stare monotonously out the window like the rest of us.

Also, do not get on the bus with a flock of your friends, occupy the top floor and start screeching like a barn owl in heat (*cough* students who come over from Europe during the summer *cough*). Your friend is right next to you. I promise he can hear you.
As described in #5, you're not there to make friends.
But for the love of God, don't place yourself there to make sworn enemies either.

#3: Treat Your Luggage Like A Person
There's a very rare type of mental delusion where one perceives everyday objects as being sentient and having the same thoughts and feelings as a human being.
And unless you are suffering from this disorder, there is absolutely no reason why your oversized luggage should sit next to you on public transport - especially not in a seat meant for human use.

Just for clarification, I should mention that this includes...
- NOT balancing your massive suitcases precariously on the side of a seat where it is free to topple over and smush an innocent commuter's feet.
- NOT arranging your colony of shopping bags around you in such a way that it stops everybody in a meter radius of you from being comfortable.
- NOT giving your backpack/satchel/handbag its own seat. Trust me, your bag isn't too prideful. It won't mind sitting on your lap. Mostly because it's a fucking bag.

And most of all, please do not roll your eyes and sigh dramatically when asked to move your stuff so somebody else can sit down.
It might interest you to know that there is a mode of transportation where you're free to throw your shit wherever and not have to move it for others.
It's called a car.

#2: Board The Bus With No Basic Understanding Of Said Bus -
There is absolutely no problem with hopping aboard a bus and asking the driver if he goes to such-and-such street or how much the fare is to get there.

However, there is a problem with getting on the bus without the foggiest of notions whereabouts the bus is going, how long it will take to get there, what route it will follow and how much it will cost for you and your five equally clueless friends.
Some folks may be totally flabbergasted by this but most people who are not you have lives and places to be. Therefore, it is not in their best interest for you to spend ten minutes of their commute asking the driver everything from the exact path of the bus to the capital of Texas and back again.

We live in an age where it is remarkably easy to inform yourself of these things ahead of time. Or to sit down and quietly wait to discover all the answers to these questions yourself.
It's also one of my favourite things about the train - doors open, doors close. Your questions can wait at the platform.

#1: Be Annoying -
You might think the other four categories already covered this point but they have only begun to discuss the tip of the iceberg.

In my three years of utilising public transport on a daily basis, I have come across many, many people who have found new, innovative (and sometimes downright impressive) ways to irritate other passengers.
The following list is compiled from my own personal experience.

While travelling on public transport, please refrain from...
- Sitting on top of other people. There is no need. You will be supplied with your own seat.
- Asking commuters to hold something for you (most modes of public transportation are currently without built-in butlers).
- Opening all windows on the bus/train during a small blizzard.
- Closing all windows on the bus/train during a heatwave.
- Asking the person behind you if they'd like to talk about Satan.
- Flirting with the two elderly ladies in front of you until they get so scared they have to move.
- Dripping nacho cheese everywhere.
- Taking pictures of other people on the bus for your unknown (but possibly creepy) reasons.
- Yelling at other people about having their feet up on seats or listening to their music too loud. Remember that you have the power to use your indoor voice when making requests.
- Playing with your new pet, which is not actually a pet, but seems to be a bundle of rags.
- Drinking a bottle of wine while informing the person next to you of how badly you want an Easter egg.
- Making loud orgasm noises while you eat half a watermelon (this one, experienced on the London Underground, was especially impressive).
- Passing out crudely-drawn brochures that advertise your new religion.
- Making unwanted sexual remarks to other passengers.
- Rolling around on the floor.

Overall, if you try to act like you've keep some small level of sanity over the years you've spent on this planet, you should be more than able to provide a comfortable atmosphere for you and those around you on public transport.

The Time I Forgot I Had A Blog

Well, shit.

....

I totally forgot that this used to be a genuine form of procrastination for me.

This entire time, it's been safely nestled away in some dusty corner of the internet while I pursued other deflecting distractions that steer my attention away from the prime objective.

What is the prime objective?
I'm trying to find that out. But I'm also procrastinating the eventual discovery so it might take a while for me to get back to you with a definitive answer.

Anyway, the blog is back up and running, yay!

In the coming weeks, you can expect to find the following on this blog (if I continue to remember that I have one)...

• Tales of the weird crap that goes on in my life (see past blog posts).
• Reviews of various books, albums, movies etc.
• Stirring intellectual discussion (i.e.  me talking to myself about various topics in a hopefully intelligible manner).
• Shitty, pretentious poetry.
• Musings on life.

As well as many other things my older self will look back on and face-palm about.

I hope you enjoy what's to come!
And I hope I remember to post it in the first place.

Top 4 WTF's Of 90's Cartoons

Ahh, the 1990’s. A time of punk rock music, “American Pie” and Warner Brothers creating a fresh new sitcom called “Friends.”Contemporary cartoon classics like “Dexter’s Laboratory,” “The Powerpuff Girls” and “Ed, Edd n Eddy” were all born in this wonderful decade and many kids spent long summer days watching their favourite shows on TV while their moms screamed at them to go outside and play. If you’re anything like me, you spent your childhood laughing at the antics of your favourite cartoon characters and you then spent your teenage years wondering if the creators had been on acid when they thought some of that stuff up.
While it’s common for kids’ shows to sometimes throw in a little, tiny bit of adult humour for any parents watching the show to chuckle at, there’s a big difference between subtly hinting at something and making it audaciously strip onstage in front of everyone (see #1).
Ladies and gentlemen, I was a cartoon aficionado growing up in the 1990’s and that’s why it brings me great pride to bring to you the top 5 WTF’s of 90’s cartoons...


#4: The Negatively Portrayed Transvestite On “The Powerpuff Girls” 
Who knows? When this proposal was first cooked up at a meeting with the Cartoon Network executives, maybe it was seen as a good idea. In the changing times of the late 90’s, perhaps it would have been innovative and forward-thinking to introduce children to a transsexual cartoon character, simply so they’d be accepting and open-minded when they’d meet one in real life.
But then someone had the idea of making it arguably the scariest villain on the show and insinuating that it was Satan. OK, so the ship of acceptance has sailed then...
In his first appearance on the show, he was called a “king of darkness” and it was said that because his very name strikes fear into the hearts of men, he can only be referred to as “Him.” So either he’s Lucifer or some sort of death metal rocker. And since he never wielded a Flying V and performed a mind-blowing guitar solo, we should probably go with the first option.

Or a cosmetics salesman. There’s always that.
Picture from thepowerpuffgirls.free.fr 

So yeah. If you watched Cartoon Network growing up (and unless you knew someone personally who was transgender), this was probably your first introduction to the trans world. It wasn’t a very positive one but the reason it’s not higher on this list is because Him turned out to be a pretty beloved “Powerpuff Girls” villain (personally, he was always my favourite). So maybe he did help bring a little bit of acceptance around.
Even if he was a metaphor for the devil.
And completely terrifying.
And he licked the professor’s face once.
Oh forget it, let’s just move on!

#3: The Sheer Psychological Horror Of “Courage The Cowardly Dog”
You know that guy you went to school with who is now a serial killer? Well, his murderous ways were DEFINITELY not inspired by this show. After all, the following clip could only serve to encourage a sensitive child to be well-adjusted and completely self-assured...
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AXseEnXtsc
Nope, no trauma here!

See what I mean? No? OK, I’ll level with you.
Nearly every episode of “Courage The Cowardly Dog” was a fifteen-minute recital of horrifying monsters, sinister catchphrases (anyone remember “return the slab?”), creepy storylines, crappy animation techniques, eerie-sounding music and a dose of pure, unbridled terror.
The show centred around a pusillanimous dog named Courage who continuously had to save his owners from monsters, ghouls and ghosts. The show also liked to experiment with different methods of computer graphics, some of which worked well but most of which only had the purpose of making the show much more disturbing than it actually had to be. Behold... 

THIS is how you make a child’s delicate mental state stable.Picture from courage.wikia.com

And hey, before you start complaining, I’m a big fan of the horror genre. I just think that because it was a kids’ show, “Courage The Cowardly Dog” should have been a bit more “Scooby-Doo” and a bit less “The Exorcist.” And no, that’s not an exaggeration. There was actually an episode with an exorcism. 

This could actually be seen as educational.
All kids need to learn how to perform an exorcism sooner or later, right? 

Picture from courage.wikia.com 

#2: The Blatant Lesbian Stereotypes In An Episode Of “Cow & Chicken” I don’t ever remember seeing this episode growing up because I’m pretty sure it was taken out of syndication faster than an engine-powered cheetah on Prozac. But I know for a fact that the episode, entitled “Buffalo Gals,” drew huge controversy for portraying gay stereotypes in a way that made you wonder if the censors were incredibly homophobic or just plain stupid. 

“So the horrifically offensive stereotypes are the bad guys?

Perfect! Kids today need to be more prejudiced!”

Picture from www.dreamstime.com 

The episode included a group of burly, female bikers bursting into Cow and Chicken’s home and viciously chewing on their carpet (yes, you read that right). According to Cow and Chicken’s mother (ingeniously named “Mom”) the Buffalo Gals randomly break into people’s houses and do this kind of thing all the time, metaphorically suggesting that all lesbians are opportune criminals who casually break into people’s homes for the purpose of oral rape. Now if that isn’t tolerance of the gay community, I don’t know what is! 
The episode also contains the bikers playing softball (a sport commonly linked to your average butch lesbian) and singing a song with the line “Buffalo Gals, won’t you come out tonight?” Oh, and also one of the bikers was named “Munch Kelly.” Can you feel yourself turning into a homophobe (even if you’re gay)? So can I. So let’s move on while our broad-mindedness is still intact. 

#1: The Stripper In “2 Stupid Dogs” 
Remember when I mentioned that adult humour is sometimes included in kids’ shows for the benefit of any older people watching? Well, “2 Stupid Dogs” tended to do that quite a lot and usually they did it very cunningly. For example, in an episode where the two main characters (who were two stupid dogs, shockingly) went to a drive-in movie, it was insinuated that many people only went to drive-in movies to have a grand old time in the backseat of their cars. Kindly watch this video to see what I mean... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDimSN9AIUA
We COULD get angry about this...or admit that they’re absolutely right... 

See? Adults would get a laugh out of that while kids wouldn’t really understand what was going on but would shrug it off and keep watching the funny cartoon doggies. Everybody wins! It seems that “2 Stupid Dogs” had mastered the art of subtle adult humour. 

Or not. Really, really not.
Picture from http://pimpdaddylovemuffin.com/2011/08/22/cartoon-of-the-week-2-stupid-dogs/ 

But sadly, no. They HAD to push the bra – I mean bar!
The above picture is NOT Photoshopped. It’s from an episode called “Door Jam” where the two dogs were looking for shoes and went to a strip club (which are known for their wide selection of footwear). The stripper (although in silhouette) takes her bra off in front of them while the little dog shouts eagerly for her to take off her shoe. Once she does, he practically faints in ecstasy. 
There are so many things to comment on here that I don’t even know where to start. My first reaction is to utter a long and unquenchable cry of “why?” My second response is to question the motives of the patron on the right who paints an extremely bad picture of strip club-goers with his creepy, immoral smile. I also feel compelled to ask why the two dogs couldn’t have gone looking for shoes in a logical place...such as a clothes store. But I guess that would have made too much sense. 
Also, to top it all off...What??? 

Yep, totally normal kids’ television. 
But I’ll be honest, I’m glad I grew up with the craziness of Cartoon Network and all the great shows it produced. After all, if I hadn’t been exposed to these crazy cartoons, maybe I wouldn't be the blogging nutcase I am today. 
And then what would you be mildly amused by?

Quest For A Card

As mentioned in the first ever post on this blog, public transport and I don't have the best relationship in the world.
But recently, I've reached a whole new level of stupidity where I can't even manage to get on the bus in the first place.

It all started when my 30 day rambler expired and I had to buy a new one.
Being Aimee, I waited until the last day, thinking it would be no problem.
I was wrong.

I went into the usual place where I buy them and asked for a 30 day rambler. The guy smiled at me, went away and came back with a small, yellow card.
"€125 please," he said.
"Wait...what? It's meant to be €91.50."
"Oh...you wanted the student one?" he sounded bemused and surprised.
"Em...yes???" I sounded offended and pissed off.
He went away and came back again.
"Sorry, we're all out of student ramblers."
"Oh! Alright. Any idea when you'll have them in again?"
"I don't know...we usually get big shipments of them in on Sunday."
"Today is Tuesday..."
"Yeah...sorry."
I thanked him for his time anyway, left the establishment and entered a different supermarket up the road.

I walked up to the cashier and, within seconds, realized that I was talking to someone who bore a striking resemblance in personality to Karen Smith from "Mean Girls."
"Hi! Do you sell bus ramblers by any chance?"
She tore away from her busy task of gazing open-mouthed at the wall to gaze open-mouthed at me.
"...what?"
"Do you sell ramblers? Student ramblers?"
No reaction.
"For the bus?"
"Bus?"
I could almost see the confused thought circumventing her puzzled mind.
Bus...? But we sell groceries here. Or at least that's what they told me...
Just then, the hamster seemed to plop itself back on the wheel and she remembered something.
"Oh! They sell them in the corner shop outside!"
"Oh OK, thanks!"
"No problem."
She then happily returned to to her staring competition with the wall.

Following Karen Smith's instructions, I entered the corner shop outside.
The woman standing behind the counter smiled at me as I entered and I smiled back.
"Hi, do you sell ramblers for the bus?"
The woman blinked at me as her face succumbed to a frown of confusion.
"Ramblers? I...think so."
She then turned around and seemed genuinely surprised to find a series of shelves behind her. She also seemed surprised that she held the key to one of the lower drawers and even more surprised to realize that she worked in a shop in general.
She opened a drawer, took out a small box and placed it on the counter, looking absolutely shocked and enthralled by its presence.
At that moment, I wondered just what type of people are hired to work in shops these days. Apparently, managers favour people who have no understanding of stock or what the store in question sells.
"What type of rambler are you looking for again?" she asked me breathlessly.
"The 30 day student one?"
She searched the box, flicking through the various little cards.
"Oh, we don't have that particular one, I'm sorry."
"That's alright, thanks anyway."
I then left the shop to let the woman play with her new treasure.

I gave up for the night after that.
The next morning, I bought a return train ticket into the city, hoping that I'd be able to find a 30 day student rambler somewhere.
The first shop I went into were also pleasantly surprised to hear that they sold ramblers and proudly put them on display as I left (they also didn't have a 30 day student rambler. By this point, I began to doubt my sanity and wonder if they really even existed anymore).

Then I went into a corner shop and waited in line for ten minutes behind a man who momentarily forgot how to work his credit card.
But I finally got my rambler in that store.
The cashier just walked away and casually came back with a €91.50 30 day student rambler.
"Is this it?"
"Oh my gosh...YES!!!!!"

Never had that little yellow card looked so beautiful. :)

In Your Mind's Eye

Each and every human being on this planet is likely to spend 47% of their time daydreaming. That's OK though...because, apparently, spending time lost in the dream land makes us more creative and intelligent.
As well as that, a huge portion of the human brain supposedly spends a lot of time thinking up perfect scenarios for us to imagine ourselves living through.

Is that a good thing though?

I think yes. :)
I mean, yes, there is such a thing as going too far...
And when you're shivering behind your garden shed wearing a tinfoil hat and muttering about the mermaids who are trying to organise a raffle so that you don't die, you might want to lay off the "imagination" stuff for a while.
But a little bit of casual musing and visualising seems alright in my books.
In fact, it seems downright awesome.

I'm a serial daydreamer.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm constantly away in my own world...mulling things over, trying to come up with ideas, reliving past memories and envisioning new ones.
It sounds weird to say but I enjoy thinking. My brain is the place I'm most familiar with after all! If I have any type of dilemma or problem in my life, I'll wait until the bus ride to or from college, switch on my iPod, switch myself off and just think about it.
Sometimes I can't even go to sleep because I'm thinking so hard about something or another.
But I don't really believe that that's a bad thing.
It mellows me out, it relaxes me and it keeps me feeling calm.
I can't even count the amount of times I've pondered myself out of a panic attack just by focusing on something else.
And when it comes to any type of sadness or upset, it's super nice to be able to escape into your own head. It's a lot more peaceful in there than out in the screaming battlefield everyday life can sometimes feel like. ;)

In regards to all this, I'd like to quote one of my favourite movies of all time, "Sucker Punch," which is an epic extravaganza of rebellion against corrupt authority, bad ass teamwork, clever plot twists, steampunk warfare, escape from a mental asylum and just pure incredibleness mixed with amazingness in a blender.
Anyway, the film has a brilliant line regarding imagination...
"It's like we talked about, you control this world. Let the pain go, let the hurt go, let the guilt go. What you are imagining right now, that world that you control? That place can be as real as any type of pain."
And I think that's true. :)
A few minutes of retreating into the dream world can be incredibly beneficial to your own well-being.
There's been lots of times when I've felt down and then just by getting inside my own mind and chillin' there for a little while, I've ended up feeling a lot better.
I've always considered it to be pretty nourishing...slipping into a place where no you can get to you or bother you or take anything away from you. It's a world that's completely yours and no one else's. A world where you're the boss.
I think we all need that sometimes.

Plus, it can help with real life desires and yearnings as well.
I remember talking to a friend of mine once who said that he noticed a girl in his lecture hall at university one day who was (in his own words) "the definition of breath-taking." He told me all about how she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen and how amazing her smile was.
"So when are you going to talk to her?" I remember asking him.
"Never," he answered straightaway in a noticeably confident tone of voice.
Seeing the confused look on my face, he elaborated.
"Aimee, I have an idea of this girl in my head that I don't want to ruin," he told me. "Today I acted like a big creep inside my brain and imagined speaking to her for the first time, our first date, how it would go, what she would say, how her laugh would sound. And in my head, that's all awesome and fantastic. It made me feel really, really cheerful for a little while. So why wreck it by talking to her in real life? There'll be other girls. But I want to keep this one the way it is.
And yes, before you say it, I know this all makes me sound like a stalker!"
"Not at all," I assured him.
Because it didn't (to me at least). In fact, it made perfect sense.
And the more I reflected on it ('cos that's what I do), the more of a beautiful idea it seemed.
I mean, no one is perfect, right? Right.
But it's nice to believe that some people out there are just these awesome, flawless angels who are sweet and caring, gorgeous and striking, smart and funny. The whole deal with no faults.
That type of person doesn't exist of course...but it's kind of cool to think that they do.
So if you build up someone in your head to be perfect, why do anything to destroy that image?
It's sweet to think that we could live in a world inhabited by a number of creatures who are just plain astounding and brilliant. :)

It's the same with what if scenarios, possible situations and potential outcomes.
Or even the results of a past decision if we'd chosen a different path.
It can be nice to just unwind by yourself, hang out and consider all those different things sometimes.

All in all, it comes down to one thing (this is my own idea, feel free to quote me on it so that I can become an instant celebrity, recognised for my blogging genius, and retire to a mansion bought with pretend internet money)...
It's always good to go out and accomplish.
But sometimes it's good to just sit back and dream.

:)