5 Reasons Why You're Not The Loser You Think You Are

Do you ever have those days (or weeks, or months, or years) where you just feel like a loser?
Like everything's fallen apart and your daily life pretty much exists in the debris while everybody else seems to be doing so much better than you?
Being stuck in a rut can be frustrating, depressing and tiring (among other more curse-wordy emotions) and it always feels like it's only happening to you.

I was inspired to write this post for three main reasons...
1. Procrastination. I always write these things for the sake of procrastination.
2. A brilliant Cracked.com article called 5 Reasons Life Actually Does Get Better by John Cheese that you can read here.
3. The fact that many of some of my favourite people in the whole world are going through rough times right now and a significant amount of them have expressed to me that they feel like they suck because of it.

Well, they don't. You don't. None of us do.
And here's five reasons why not...

5. You're Your Own Worst Critic

Have you ever seen a photograph of one of your friends go up on Facebook that you thought they looked really good in?
So you said it to them and they rolled their eyes in response and complained about having a double chin, being cross-eyed or just looking "weird" in the picture?
And then you wondered if you needed to book yourself in for a thorough eyeball-cleaning because you thought they looked great?

That's because we are all incredibly hyper-critical of ourselves.
Think about it - you spend all day long with you.
You know what your standards and abilities are so if you fuck up, you'll be the first to notice it.

Natalie Portman was once quoted as saying “I often feel insecure and don’t believe in myself. I have a thousand doubts a day. Everyone hated my performances in Star Wars and thought I was a terrible actress. Almost every movie has a scene that stands out to me as something I messed up on" (source).

That's what Natalie Portman said about herself.
Thor's brilliant scientist girlfriend who danced the black swan and starred in V for Vendetta while still having time to rule Naboo as Queen Padmé Amidala often thinks she sucks.
And that's totally normal.

It's why your artist friend always points out the mistakes in her drawing when you thought it was flawless.
It's why your writer friend always laments about how he'll never be as good as So-and-So or Such-and-Such.
It's why your musician friend always talks about not being able to write good lyrics or compose a catchy melody.
Here's the kicker...
Your talented friends aren't always being modest - sometimes they genuinely think they suck.

But you've seen their work and you know they don't.
So, logically, wouldn't that mean that you (and Natalie Portman) don't suck either?

Pictured: Definitely not a loser.

4. No One's Watching You And Waiting For You To Fail

I think sitcoms have given people the false idea that we should all be working tirelessly in our twenties and thirties to have something to show at the High School Reunion that will spontaneously spring into existence around the time of our fortieth birthdays.

But that notion is actually kind of unhealthy - because it suggests that you should be working on your life for the approval of other people.
And what's more, it suggests that certain individuals are carefully paying attention to what you're doing and how well you're doing it.

They're not.
Sure, you might stalk out someone's Facebook or Instagram once in a while to see what's up but that's not exactly going to give you a 100% accurate look into what their life is like (status updates rarely include filing the wrong tax receipt or detailing major private life fuck-ups).

The thing is, everyone is concentrating so hard on their own lives that they don't have much time to ponder yours.
This was once explained to me through the allegory of the "group photograph."

If I hand you a group photo of about one hundred people and tell you that you, three of your close friends and three of your worst enemies are in it, who are you going to search for first?
Yourself probably.
Followed by your friends.
And you may not even look for the people you don't like.

Well that's how life works too.
Unless you end up on the news for doing something really shitty and landing yourself in jail, no one's going to keep a record on every single time your life hasn't gone swimmingly.

No one is out to get you.
No one is watching your every move and waiting for you to trip up so they can celebrate with party poppers and an ice-cream cake.

And on the off-chance that they are, you won't end up being the sad one in that situation.
After all, how pathetic is someone who's so focused on somebody else's existence that they forget to think about their own?

3. The World's Bigger Than You Think

See the two circles?
They are exactly the same colour.

From thebrain.mcgill.ca

The only reason you think they're not is because their backgrounds make them look different.

And the same goes for you.

Let's say you have an incredible athletic ability - you can run for miles and you take to any sport like a fish takes to water.
But you're really bad at maths.
If you get stuck in a classroom, failing to understand algebra and geometry all day, you're eventually going to come to the conclusion that you are useless.
But you're not - you're just not in the right environment for you.

And when you're stuck in a place where your worth isn't being recognised, you can often end up feeling stupid, ineffectual, weak or like you can't do anything right.
That's not true.
That place can also start to feel like it represents the whole world - where you will always feel worthless - but that's not true either.

The thing is, if you're getting up and going somewhere day after day, that place does become your whole world.
For example, imagine a kid in high school who struggles to make friends and get along with people because he has different interests, pastimes and hobbies to anyone he has classes with.
Maybe he dresses a little strangely or listens to music the other kids think is weird.
He also gets bullied a lot which makes him come to the not-so-logical conclusion that there must be something fundamentally unlikable about him that everyone just loves to hate.
Also, the school atmosphere is where he has to go for hours every day - he spends more time there than he does anywhere else so of course his sense of self-worth is going to be very influenced by how he feels in that place.
But there it's not a reflection of everyone and everything.
It just so happens that there aren't a lot of people in his school environment who he is compatible with.
All he has to do is change his circle's background by graduating and going somewhere where he can meet like-minded people more like him, who will think he's awesome and perfect exactly as he is and wonder where the hell he's been their whole lives.
That's all.

And it's an important lesson to learn.
If you are currently in an environment (be it your home life, your school/college course, your job, the area you're living in, your own state of mind etc) where you're not being fully appreciated, that does not diminish your value in any way.

Your circle is fine the way it is - you just have to find the right background.
And the world is huge, there's a whole palette for you to browse and take your time choosing from.
Might I suggest a nice magenta?

2. Everyone Feels The Same Way You Do

Due to point number 5 on this list, it's easy to sit back, think about your life and see yourself as a failure.
As previously mentioned, we're quick to pick out our own faults and harshly critique ourselves.
Show us something good we've done and we'll instantly tell you ten ways it could have been better.

But you know what?
That's not just you.

In the past few weeks (probably because many of my friends are currently turning 21), I've had plenty of people come to me and tell me they feel like they're doing really badly at this whole "life" thing.
Well, we all are.

Everyone saw themselves being somewhere else when they were 21 years old.
When you were 16, you thought you'd be living on your own by now (and even your fully independent friend who's living on their own thought they'd no longer be living in such a dodgy area by now).
When you were 13, you assumed you'd have your dream job by now.
And when you were 4, you assumed you'd be a high-speed firetruck by now.

The point is, the fantasy is always better than the reality and that's why so many of us think we're not doing OK for ourselves.
We think we suck because we're not living up to the daydream we once had at the back of our minds.

Well kiddo, it's time to leave Narnia and let the dream go.
And instead start patting yourself on the back for the excellent job you're doing in reality.
Because you've done great so far and you should keep it up.
Which brings me to my next point...

1. You Are Always Getting Better

Hey, remember that thing you couldn't do a year ago that you can do now?
Well, good job on that!
I bet you never took the time to recognise how cool it is that you can do that now because you're always looking down on yourself.

But it is cool.
Improvement, no matter how small, is always great.

People have a tendency to focus on the things they're not good at or that they can't do (yet). They have a tendency to compare themselves to other people who are much better than them at something specific.
And, because of that, people end up concentrating on how great everyone else is at something instead of how much they've progressed with it recently.

I think nearly everyone I've ever met (myself included) has a bad habit of ignoring their achievements and focusing on their mistakes instead.

We throw ourselves into thinking about the time we dropped the ball at work, failed a college exam or hurt a friend. We obsess about the time we were unnecessarily mean or the break-up we could have handled better or the path we should have taken instead of the one we're currently walking.
I guarantee you that everyone you know has things they can't quite forgive themselves for yet.

"Dammit, why didn't I order the soup instead of the salad?"

But the mistakes, bad choices, blunders and oversights aren't what we should be focusing on.
Instead we should be thinking about how much better we've gotten since then.

Let's say you make a massive mess of things - in work, in college/school, in your personal life, whatever.
You did a terrible job and it's all your fault.
Boo-hoo. Sob.

Well, you're not going to do it again in a hurry, that's the first thing.
Secondly, you're going to be better equipped to deal with this type of situation if it ever comes up again. You've been in this scenario before, you know what to do and you know what it has the potential to turn into.
You can also help your friends or family out if they find themselves in a similar set of circumstances.
All because you made that stupid mistake in the first place.

Learning comes best when it's accomplished through the try-and-fail method.
The more you try, the more you fail.
And the better you get because of it.

~~~

So please don't let life get you feeling so low.
You're young.
You're capable.
You have time to figure this all out.
Everyone is in the same boat and if somehow we are losers, then we're all losers together.